One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce. Many of those marriages involve children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently concerned about the effect on their children. During the time of a divorce the parents are certainly preoccupied with their problems but remain the most important people in their children’s lives. The divorce may be devastating or relieving to a couple, children are frightened and confused by the terrible threat to their security. Some parents are so troubled that they may turn to their children for emotional support.
There are three broad stages in the process of dealing with divorce (Wallerstein in Slife, 1998). The child watches and experiences each of these stages as well as the parent. The first stage is the acute phase . It begins at the decision of separation and is marked by escalating conflict between adults. They react with severe ego regression and sharp disagreement to end the marriage. Children are generally involved in this parental distress. Children are likely to be terrified by their protective figures. This stage ends within the first two years after the divorce.
The second stage is the transitional stage. This stage is characterized by quests into new an
d more committed relationships. New work, school, location and lifestyles are also common. This phase may contain alternating success and failure and encouragement and discouragement. Children observe and take part in changes. This phase lasts several years. The last phase is the post divorce phase. During this phase adults gain a fairly stable, single parent or remarried household. Sometimes children are upset following remarriage.
I have far-reaching experience on the subject of divorce. My roommate’s best friend Allison’s parents divorced when she was 14. She and her 12 year old brother Jeremy suffered from a lot of problems. Jeremy became very reserved and secluded. He would never talk about anything personal and dropped all of his friends. He didn’t seem to even care about life anymore. Allison became rebellious. She started smoking pot, drinking and sneaking out of her house. She started dating a 20 year old man and skipped school almost every day. She tried to break every rule she could and to this day still has problems with authority.
Of course like any issue, there is an arguing side. I have found much more evidence that there are negative effect of divorce on children. Judith Wallerstein (in Slife,
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