There was a time when negotiating with your children involved little more than harsh punishment. Little Johnny would ask “why?” and the response was similar to “because I said so”. If Little Johnny rebutteled into “that’s not fair”, he was likely to find out just how unfair life can really be. Without thinking twice, his father had probably already walked away to get his belt or simply reached across the table to give him a quick slap across the mouth. Little Johnny would suck back the tears while hiding behind his mother’s skirt and the negotiation would be complete.
Today brings a different view to the subject. Parenting skills are no longer measured in terms of immediate success (i.e. did Little Johnny do what he was told when he was told to do it). Rather, they are measured by how well they guide your child into becoming a well-rounded person prepared for the big, bold world that lay ahead. The goal of parent-child negotiation has become one of long-term value deeply rooted in ethics and productive behaviors. It means “teaching”, not “dictating”.
In addition, this new and improved view of parent-child negotiation means developing ourselves as parents. Just because you are
How and why do misbehaviors develop?
In this situation, Little Johnny is handed some guilt for disobeying your orders and jumping on the sofa, but not bearing the entire weight of the pain you have from losing your great grandma’s hand made vase she gave you when you turned 13. Chances are that even though a harsh punishment was not immediately doled out, Little Johnny will at least contemplate his choices before he decides to engage in jumping on the sofa again.
4. Role-play with your child. Give them a “for instance” situation. Propose that a particular situation may happen and ask them to respond as if the situation was real. This may help to build your child’s confidence in an atmosphere that is safe and comforting.
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