Social Exchange Theory
One tool that is used when addressing the rewards and costs affects on individuals in a relationship is the Social Exchange theory. Basically this theory means that an individual will seek out relationships in which the rewards are greater than the costs. An individual in any type of interpersonal relationship considers all rewards and costs as they are perceived by the individual. These costs and rewards can be anything from money or tangible gifts to types of feelings or devotion. The first being tangible rewards or costs and the later being intangible rewards or costs. The basic equation of the social exchange theory directly states: Rewards – Costs = Outcome (Alder & Towne, 1999. p. 342). Further, this social exchange theory is an attempt to explain the different behaviors and motives that make a relationship between two individuals. The Social Exchange Theory controls our behavior as well as the reinforcement for our actions. Before we act in most circumstances, we weigh the rewards and costs of the behaviors consequences. Obviously the behavior used is the one believed to produce the highest reward and the lowest cost (Auld & Case, 1997, p. 192). What we perceive to be acceptable or unacceptable in the relation
One tangible reward for me is being able to have someone take me out to dinner, take me to the movies, or provide for other fun events that are enjoyable and rewarding to me. Being that Marshall is older and has a good and stable job, he is able to take me out when our schedules work together to do so. Not only is this rewarding just for me, but in speaking with him about this topic, he also agrees that the rewards of going out together outweigh the costs. Even though this may cost him monetarily, he has a good time being with me and spending time together on most occasions. When I am not paying the bills, the only other thing I can weigh the rewards against is the time and energy I spend to get ready and look pretty for him. This would be a cost for me because of the way I stress out when I do not perceive that I look perfect. However, when we are together, Marshall always builds me up and makes me feel pretty and special even when I have had a bad day. This is an intangible reward for me, because he is making me feel a certain way. Dr. Phillip McGraw in his book, Relationship Rescue, makes it clear that in order for a relationship to be happier clear that in order for a relationship to be happier you have to get into the game. He says, “By acting the way that you want the relationship to be, you give yourself the chance of experiencing the rewards that come rfrom those kind of behaviors” (255). Another huge intangible reward for both Marshall and myself is our friendship. First and foremost, our friendship devotion to one another is much greater than our actual sexual involvement. In this circumstance, I believe the weighing of costs and rewards is probably harder for Marshall than it is for me. He is a man, and he wants to be sexually intimate. I, on the other hand am not ready for this step in our relationship dure to my religious background, my family, and because I do not feel it to be the right time yet. Although this is a definite cost for Marshall, I believe the rewards of our genuine and loving friendshi
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Approximate Word count = 1382
Approximate Pages = 6 (250 words per page double spaced)
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