I think I've finally decided who will get my vote in November. His name is "Fuck You".

Actually, his full name is "Fuck you, you're all a bunch of pussies who won't stop doing your damnedest to turn this country into a complete tyranny just to kill time while you let terrorists get organized enough to blow it the fuck up," repeated as many times as the voting machine will allow me to type. The goal will be to find out what the character limit is for a write-in candidate. Assuming that such a limit exists, I will make sure to report it back to you on this website.

The fulfillment system for the company I work for has a limit of 35 characters on each of its customer address line fields. Unfortunately, only 30 characters actually print out on the shipping labels. Therefore, if you find a way to submit a fraudulent credit card order to us, you better not have an address of "The little red house with the white shutters, Nigeria" because there's at least a fifty-fifty chance that your next door neighbor with the blue shutters is going to get the package. But I digress.

ere's a really long character limit, instead of voting for "Fuck You", how about voting for this guy:

Here's another one. Allude to your membership in a foreign government's elite paramilitary organization and type in a website address. Don't tell anyone about this website and see how many hits you get from .gov domains.

What if you phrase your vote as a riddle? Do they have people paid to solve riddles, or do they just throw out your vote? If so, how do they account for votes that are thrown out? They must throw out some votes, right? If your write-in candidate is "ZZZZZZZZZZZZ", for example, I can't imagine that they tally that as an actual person. You'd assume that only actual people are tallied, but do you think they have a tally of the votes for non-people?

Or how about this one: "Confirmed - Electronic Ballot-Stuffing of Northeastern United States Successful."

What if I know someone named "Mickey Moose" and want him to be president? Does my vote get lumped in with the "Mickey Mouse" votes?

Then again, maybe my suspicion is right. Maybe nobody reads the damn write-in votes.

How do you think they collate all th

Some topics in this essay:
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