Joan Didion - Goodbye To All That

When Didion arrived from Sacramento she was not prepared for the completely different atmosphere of New York City. Everything about it was different from her home, she goes on to say "And knew that I had come out of the west and reached the mirage" (Didion 228). Didion said she loved New York, everything about it was "exotic", she loved the summer rains which fell there but not on her home in Sacramento. She was still very young though, thinking possibly for months that the Triborough Bridge was the Brooklyn Bridge, even though they look nothing alike.

As Didion aged, her love of the city and its surroundings did not diminish. Then came her first springs where "both seemed one and the same, filled with wonder and awe," (Didion 228).

When Didion turned twenty-eight she knew that all her hopes and dreams would not come true, every mistake she had previously made had counted, and the cost of these experiences would be her mental health. Didion feels that the times when she did not know the names of the bridges were happier ones; that the appeal of the city and all its “exotic” beauty had begun to fade. She truly felt as if she had “Entered a revolving door at twenty and come out a good deal older, and on a different street,” (Didion 227). Her whole perspective on life began to change, she was no longer the child she was and was beginning to feel old. She drove off her friends and instead of seeking help she got married. Eventually Didion could not even enter parts of the city at certain times of the day, and could no longer enjoy the places she once visited. She conveys her absolute disgust for New York when she says, “I would see women walking Yorkshire terriers and shopping at Gristede’s, and some Veblenesque gorge would rise in my throat,”(Didion 236-237). Each day it seemed that one more thing deterred her, one more thing she no longer liked. When her depression had become so severe that she could not work her husband suggested a “six month leave of absence” (Didion 237) from New York, and recommended they should go to Los Angeles. After living in California for three years, Didion and her husband agreed to sell their apartment in New York. For Didion the magic had faded and as Didion puts it on page 238 “The golden rhythm was broken, and I am not that young any more.”

“Goodbye to All That” was originally titled “Farewell to the Enchanted City”, but was probably changed due to the negative effects the city had on Didion and her psyche. While Didion’s overall experience in New York was a positive one, she had enough of it. She was getting too old and was ready to settle down somewhere closer to home and at a slower pace. The negative side of a fantasy life is really shown in this essay, as well as the notion that “It is distinctly possible to stay to long at the fair,�

Some topics in this essay:
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