Augustine’s first ever love was the love he had for his mother Monica. Without Monica’s undying support he may have remained without any faith in God for the entirety of his life. She had forever supported Augustine since the beginning and was quite disappointed in his demise and sepa

ration from God while he explored other belief systems that held no place for God. “She had begun by refusing me, in her revulsion from and detestation of the blasphemies of my error.”(III,xi,19) However she was always there for him no matter what and was the only female that connected with him on any other level rather than just physical. Monica experiences visions, one which she saw a man on a platform that gave her reassurance that if her son was of faith, then he would be there with her. She turned and found Augustine here. This vision further supported Augustine’s love for God. She is one of the first people to hear of his eventual conversion to Christianity for he couldn’t help but share it to the person that had the greatest influence in his life, and even gave him life. Prior to her death, Monica and Augustine shared a vision in Ostia where they reach an internal wisdom where they both searched for truth through their love of God. This shared love would end up being that love that was so sought by Augustine, even though it was not his number one love, his love for Monica was great none the less.

Charles loved many mistresses throughout his life. He maintained a constant battle for a large portion of his life and tried to define his sins within the rules of his faith to make it acceptable. “The single desire that dominated my search for delight was simply to love and be loved” (II,ii,2) However he did accept his fault that he had for partaking in these activities. He could never bring himself to only use sex as a means of procreation as prescribed in the Bible. “Even so, I could not have been wholly content to confine sexual union to acts intended to procreate children, as your law prescribes, Lord.” (II,ii,3) Augustine later comes to confess that yes, he would have been much better off by living in the way that God had intended for him to live. “Had I paid careful attention to these sayings and ‘become a eunuch for the sake of the kingdom of heaven’ (Matt. 19

All but one love had it’s own fallacies. Monica was only human, she may have been a great help for him but she could never fully embrace her love for god and pass that on to Augustine just as she saw it; she was also quite far from being “perfect”. The mistresses were nothing but mistakes to Augustine for in the end he was left empty and unfulfilled; a false sense of love that was only temporary. The love for evil was also a temporary phase, the only thing that I could see that would make him perceive this as being a love would be that it was a false sense of reality. It seemed as though Augustine would move out of reality and into a wicked dreamland where there were no consequences for his actions. Wisdom served many purposes for Augustus however, the primary one would be a tool that lead him to his one and only true love; God. The church was also a stepping platform that brought him closer to God. His one and only true love was God and his son Christ Jesus. All Augustine ever wanted was an infallible love that would never abandon him and yet always be there for him. For in God he could abide without fear, for God he could share without shame, for with God he could never have too much. With God, his knowledge and wisdom us

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