The relational stage that I feel best fits my relationship with Jen is the intensifying stage. We have moved past being dependant on just verbal communication and frequently use less direct methods of communication. During the school

year we spent a lot of time together, hanging out in the dorms or at sports events that we were participating in. I went to most of her tennis matches to cheer and she came to quite a few of my soccer games to do the same. I think that our shared interest in sports is one of the things that has contributed the most to the development of our relationship. That is how we first met, and it gave us a way to relate and lots to talk about to get through the initiating and experimenting stages. Another indicator of the intensifying stage is the favors for each other that we are more than happy to help out with. She is from Colorado and does not have a car out here, and some of her friends were coming to visit her over their spring break. I offered the use of my car to her for the weekend so she could show them around Santa Barbara a bit. I am pretty protective of my car, as it has to last me a long time and I worked hard to get it. She knows how big of a deal it is for me to let other people drive it and knows that it shows my trust in her to be careful with it.

This assignment has shown me that the way I am approaching this relationship is totally the wrong way to go about things. By not being honest about how I feel with Jen, I am cheating both of us in our relationship. If I expect this relationship to grow past the intensifying stage there needs to be an effort put out on my part instead of the assumption that it will just magically jump all by itself to a higher level. My interpersonal communication needs to improve before I can handle a relationship and be ready to effectively communicate with another person. The relational stages are far more complex than I had originally thought and I am just starting to grasp the work that is involved to move from one stage to another. Hopefully I have learned enough to make these transitions just a little easier.

An important role in our relationship is how we express affection for each other. Even though we are just friends, we are pretty affectionate towards each other. When Jen talks, she needs to be fairly close to the person she is speaking with and often uses touch to express herself. This is almost the exact opposite from how I communicate but I have learned to get used to it. The way I express my affection is going out of my way to help people out, and doing whatever I can for them if they need me to. I like to be able to help my friends out and it makes me feel good to know that I was able to help them out with something they needed. I would do pretty much anything I could for Jen if she asked me, but I wouldn’t be completely honest with her about why I was doing it. I am probably only 70-75% honest with Jen when she asks me why I do things for her. I never lie outright to her but have found myself guilty of equivocation many times, either passing off what I did as no big deal or trying to make it seem like I didn’t go out of my way, even if that wasn’t the case at all. By equivocating I can avoid expressing how I really feel and yet still be able to help her out when she needs me too. I avoid disclosing my real feelings and motivations in this manner because I am scared of Jen not askin

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