Mentaility

I have found in my experiences that unless people are in the company of those they know well and feel comfortable with, they will put up a façade around them. We are afraid to be ourselves, whoever that person may be. Even those who ooze confidence put up a barrier. But why are we afraid? Are we that unsure of who we are that we can’t even show other people? Apparently the answer is yes, but I would put money on the fact that most people are unaware of their insecurities

In reality, confidence and being “oneself” has a lot to do with focus. Actors are taught to think of as-if’s, which allow the actor to take the situation in the scene, and put it into a real-life context in their mind. It makes it more “real.” Actors are also taught to think of a pre-scene before a scene in which they focus themselves. The pre-scene let’s go of all gunk in the mind and let’s the actor be who he is, his character.

I did a production of Footloose last year, where I played the lead role of Ren, who was an obnoxious teenage punk from Chicago. My director urged me to think of as-if’s so that I could grasp the character better. I couldn’t think of something that would make me act obnoxiously, but instead I thought about how someone I hated would act, and I became him. I can’t stand smart-asses, but when I pictured one, it wasn’t hard to be one. Every night before a performance, I would picture the smart ass in my mind and become him. I would imagine how people would react to his shenanigans, and I would play off of that. It was my pre-scene; my inspiration to be “myself.” In simpler terms, it is at the point that you stop thinking about who you want to be, that you become “who you are.”

I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City a couple of weeks ago. I had been once before, several years ago with my parents, but I didn’t really appreciate the artwork. I would walk around, aimlessly almost, glancing at the artwork, shrugging my shoulders at each piece wondering what was so great about it. I don’t know if I appreciated the artwork when I went back, but I know I enjoyed it, and that satisfied me. I enjoyed the fact that I could go with a completely different mind-set and be interested in what I saw. I felt comfort in the fact that I didn’t have to enjoy everything, but what I did like, I could stare at analyzing what was going on in it. I strolled through the exhibits at a moderate speed; allegro to those musicians. I would see a painting or sculpture that I liked, read the blurb, and move on. There was one painting however that did more than catch my eye. It caught my heart and my mind as well. It was a painting by Van Gogh entitled Irises. It was plain on the canvas, but mesmerizing in some odd, unexplainable way. Canvas. Paint thrown on the white with mastery of a brush. A weathered pink background. Not hot pink. The color of ballet slippers. A pink that calms the mind. The bottom fifth of the painting, however, is green. Forest green with the slightest hint of white brushed on in a disorderly fashion, but not without intense thought. The green is used as a shelf or table, complementing the faded shade of pink. On the green sits a craggy, windswept, but sturdy vase. More of a pitcher actually; one that might hold iced tea or water. Not lemonade though. The vibrant shades of th

Some topics in this essay:
Van Gogh, , Bill Cosby, Canvas Paint, Brad Pitt, York City, Irises Dark, Van Gogh’s, “who are”, catch eye, liked read, can’t people, van gogh, white streaks, actors taught, feel comfortable,