The loss of a parent during adulthood is a “life changing developmental event.” (Jordan & Ware, 1991, p. 362). Parents help us form an identity and become a unique and individual person. Berlinsky & Biller (1982), describe parents as the “givers of lives, our nurturers, guides, and the constructors of our initial realities.”

Many adult children must adjust their amount of involvement within the family due to the death of a parent. Adult children begin to take on responsibilities of the family and assume leadership. This is sometimes referred to as being the “head” of the family. With the passing away of a parent, adult children begin to see things in a new light and become much more mature and self-reliant. S

Career and jobs are also greatly affected by the loss of a parent. In most cases, people reported making changes in their work or in their career plans. Adults tend to explore their horizons and try more things that they are interested in. Scharlach and Fredrikson (1993), state that, “the decision to modify work or career plans was attributed most often to changes in self-concept or priorities following a parent’s death.” (p.312).

The reassuring fact that parents “will always be there” becomes untrue once a parent dies. “Grieving adult children are confronted with the realization that their parents no longer stand as a symbolic buffer between them and their own aging process and eventual death.” (Jordan & Ware , 1991, p.363). The security and unconditional support and love a parent gives is now lost. Jordan and Ware (1991), suggest that after a parent dies, one’s restorative fantasy is eternally gone. This restorative fantasy is the unconscious hope of an adult to someday return to their parents for emotional support and nurturing. Adult children know that their parents know them better than anyone else and have been with them for most of life’s journey. Because of this a large part of the adult child’s past seems to have been lost. Jordan and Ware (1991), explain:

Some studies have shown that Blacks may be more affected by a loss of a parent, especially a mother, than whites. Blacks seem to depend on their parents more. This may be because a majority of blacks are subjects to racism and tend to live in areas of low economic status. Umberson (1992) wrote that “compared to non-black adult children, black adult children report that their mothers are more emotionally supportive.” (p.154).

Men are usually affected by death in a different way. In the Middle-Aged Son’s Reactions to Father’s Death, Moss and Rubenstein (1997), describe men’s bereavement in four themes: control, action, cognition, and privacy. These correspond with the male’s general reaction to emotional events. Men are usually better at accepting the death than women. Many men reported feeling extreme guilt after the passing away of a parent. This usually occurs when one feels as if he hadn’t spent enough time with the parent while he or she was alive. Men generally feel guilty because during adulthood, they get preoccupied with work and are not able to spend quality time with their parents.

Some topics in this essay:
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