I had to stop myself and admit that maybe, though I have come a long way, maybe I am not as far as I had thought, or hoped. It was for this reason that I felt I needed to write to you, in the hopes that, like so many before me, you would post my story on your site too, maybe helping someone out there like me to realize that just because there was no rape, no violence, that they are no less abused, and no less justified in their despair.

I had been living with my father and his wife for about 4 or 5 months when he

sat there stone cold and said that he would never had done that to me. I am now 29 yrs old,married ,but unable to have a "normal"sex life due to the fact of what this man has done to me. I have been through therapy and have learned to forgive,but not forget. He will get what he deserves. It was great to find this site so I could get my story out and not be called a liar,a freak,or any other names that I have been called. My mother is still with him. When ever I go to visit her,I must see him. I smell him almost every nite,I cannot be alone with a strange man anywhere,I can still vision his hands touching my young body. It took me 20 yrs to realize that it was not my fault. He is a very sick person. It is nice to see that there is someone else out there who knows the pain that I have been going through. It was not rape,but it was sexual abuse. As I got older,I would tell him no,but to no avail. The only people that understand what we feel and how we act are the only ones who k!

I got to headquarters and did the needed paper work, interviews and was sent home to handle the rest of the day.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry to anyone who has been raped since i have been. i'm sorry i didn't go after the bastard so he wouldn't do it to anyone else. i'm sorry he's probably still out there.

aid to her was "Mom, get here quick I have just been raped." I woke her up at 3:17AM and she redialed to see if she was dreaming, she got a busy signal, immediately drove to my house but to find police cars and fire trucks all over. They would not let her on the street and she ran out of her car to get to me, the police were not able to stop her. She stayed with me while the police went looking for evidence after the assault, she stayed with me while the police took me to the hospital and she stayed with me at the hospital. When I was release I had to go back home, call the supervisor from 11-7 shift and tell her I would not be in work that Thursday, I had just been raped and need to go to police headquarters. Stunned just said OK. I went to police headquarters my Mom driving because I was very upset, cut up and scared to be alone at this time. On the way to headquarters we found a young women laying on the side of the road and my Mom made me go help her. She was fine.

began to fondle me. He would say things like, "I'm your father...and a father should be able to show his love for a daughter any way that he wants to." It never went any further than the fondling, usually several times a week, but it went on for over 2 years. It was no less invasive than a full fledged rape and because it was my father, someone who was supposed to protect me from evils occuring OUTSIDE the home, I later felt that I perhaps was to blame. I was 15 when it started, and fully aware that the contact was not "normal", but I let it continue. I didn't stop it. I didn't tell anyone. Basically becoming my own abuser's enabler, I allowed it to continue until i ran away the summer before my senior year in high school, going to live with my mother.

I am now 26 years old, and until moving in with my boyfriend, I was a virgin. Barely able to let anyone touch me in even the most benign way. If someone put a hand on my back, brushed my arm, I would jump practically out of my skin. I guess the reason I am adding this part to the story is to reassure those suffering still, possibly years after the abuse has stopped, that a normal life IS within reach. I thought that I would never be able to trust or love anyone (including myself) enough to ever find someone to be with. But that is not the case.

Some topics in this essay:
Gun Thank, , Department DA, Remmy Ely, OK Sexual, Stunned OK, Thank God, i'm sorry, Amos's RAIIN, can't remember, sheriffs department, i'm sorry didn't, support system, party anyway, alchohol drugs, don't remember, started touch weakly, convinced leave, sexual abuse, stay that's john, self respect,