While parents may be devastated or feel some sense of relief by the divorce, children are often frightened and confused by the threat to their security; they are scared because their life may never be the same as it has always been. The protective blanket that they have always had is being torn apart and they do not know how they are supposed to react. Children often fear change, and divorce brings about many changes. These changes include everything from schedules to holiday activities. They will have schedules of when they live with which parent and they will have to adjust to how things are ru

Preteens and adolescents understand the divorce but don’t always want to accept it. The child may feel angry and disillusioned. The child may feel abandoned and that the parent is leaving him or her and not the other spouse. They may try to take advantage of the parent’s low energy and high stress levels. They may try to take control of the family. The child may have extreme behavior, good and bad. They may become involved in high risk behaviors like drugs, shoplifting and skipping school. They may try to be an “angel” to get the family back together. They may try to cut one or both parents out of his or her life. They may feel as if they could never maintain a long-term relationship. They may feel like they have to grow up too soon. The child may also worry about financial matters that they shouldn’t worry about. They parents should keep this lines of communication open and talk about each step. The parent should keep routines and maintain rules. They should free the child from guilt by telling them it is the parents problem and not the child’s. The parent shouldn’t involve the child in parental struggles. The parent should consider joint counseling.

A preschooler does not know what separation or divorce means, but they realize that one parent is not as active in their lives. Possible child reactions are feeling uncertain about the future or feeling responsible for the divorce. They may hold anger inside or feel that he or she should be punished. They may be accident-prone and become aggressive or angry towards the parent he or she lives with. They may have more nightmares. They may experience feelings of grief because of sudden absence of a parent. Strategies for parents are to encourage your child to talk. Use books to help your child talk about his of her feelings. Set aside special time for your child each day. Repeatedly tell the child that he or she is not responsible for the divorce and that they will be taken care of. Make sure the child know they will be safe. Allow the noncustodial parent to remain involved in the child’s life even if it’s only a few phone calls a week. Make sure the child knows that they will be allowed to visit the other parent.

Toddlers understand that a parent has moved away, but they don’t unders

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