I have very rarely talked to a peer and heard them say that they wanted their parents to get a divorce. According to University of Michigan child psychologist Nick Kalter, “For kids, the misery in an unhappy marriage is less significant than the changes of divorce. They’d rather their parents keep fighting and not get divorced,” (Zinsmeister, 1997) . Despite this many of my friend’s parents have gotten a divorce. My parents are happily married but when I saw my friend’s parents getting divorces, I always feared that mine might end up the same way. I want to explore what emotions a child feels when they learn their parents are getting a divorce, and what can be done to make this a less damaging experience. I would also like to find out what can be done to lower the divorce rate in the United States.

My friends never liked to talk much about their parents getting divorced but I always wondered what they were going through and how I could help. Fagan and Rector state that, “Divorce wreaks havoc with children's psychological stability. When their families break up, they experience reactions ranging from anger, fear, and sadness to yearning, worry, rejection, conflic

ting loyalties, lowered self-confidence, heightened anxiety and loneliness, depression, suicidal thoughts, and even suicide attempts.” (Fagan and Rector, 2000). When I asked some of my friends who have been involved in a divorce, most reported that they had experienced some of these emotions. My friends told me that they experience some of these emotions to varying degrees. One of my friends told me that his parents got a divorce because his dad cheated on his mom. He said that he felt very confused about the situation. He felt anger against his dad for cheating, but he still loved him. He said he always worried about his mom because he saw the pain she was going through. He also said he felt like an outcast at school because he didn’t have two parents that were together. His parents didn’t get along after the divorce so he always felt like he was picking sides and hurting one of his parents. Many of my friends recalled at one time or another crying themselves to sleep at night. They remembered praying every night that their parents would get back together and love each other again.

untouched by divorce, and by the 1990s, this figure dropped below 50 percent (Whitehead et al., 1997).

Parents have to ask themselves before they get a divorce, “Is this really the only alternative?” If they decide that divorce is the only alternative then they must do it in the least damaging way possible. Sara Gable, a state specialist in Human Development and Family Studies, believes that, “Children’s reactions to parental divorce are related to how parents inform them of their decision” (Gable, 2002). It is important for parents to think carefully how they inform their children, and what they will tell them. Gable offers this advice: “When you first talk with children, limit you discussion to the most important and immediate issues; children can become confused it they are given to much information at once,” (Gable, 2002). “It is also very important for parents to reassure their kids that they are not responsible for the divorce. Most children older than 4 or 5 years commonly believe that the divorce is the result of something that they did. During these family discussions, it is important for parents to tell children that the divorce is final and avid giving children false hopes that the parents will reunite.” (Gable, 2002). If the children have false hopes of their parents reuniting, they will be less willing to accept a step-mom or dad. One of my friends said that he hated his step-mom for the first year or two that she lived with him. He never gave her a chance because she ruined his hopes that his parents would someday get back together.

Divorc

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