Jaycee wanted to kill herself; in fact, she yearned for the moment that she would take her own life. Her contact with people, such as her mother and father, brother and sisters, and friends, became very rare. When the phone would ring, she would not answer it. She did not want to talk, regardless of whom it could possibly be; she could not pretend that life was good or that she wanted to be alive. She laid in bed on hours without end. She would sleep all day if she were not obligated to attend school. In fact, on weekends Jaycee stayed asleep, or in bed, for over eighteen hours each day. School was all she had. She kept perfect attendance all the way up to her senior year and she"d be damned if she was going to screw that up too. She thought of her attendance as an accomplishment, even if it only meant being present everyday. .
Her job, as a real estate office receptionist, became a hassle. Even though her only duty was to sit at a desk and answer the phone and client's questions, she could not handle the added pressure. Throughout the day, Jaycee would search her mind for another excuse that could hopefully get her pardoned from going in. Without any concern, she knew that if she were a no-show, then nobody would be there to answer such questions. One day, when she actually made it to work, she wandered to the back of the building and passed out in a vacant office. It was not until the end of the day when her aunt found her sprawled out on the carpet. Jaycee had absolutely no recollection of what had happened. Her only alibi was the single pill, Lithium, which her doctor suggested she try on for size. Needless to say, the medication was far too much for her to .
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handle. But, at least, Jaycee learned that she was not bi-polar. Nevertheless, Jaycee's quest for the right medication was prolonged and had now surpassed over two years of trying numerous prescriptions: Zoloft, Effexor, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, and the latest experiment, Lithium.