Pretending to not have noticed it was simply my fault and I loathed myself for it. I rejected the reality thrust upon me and pretended to look through rose-colored glasses. .
Everything I was to her now was a painful ghost of the past and that scared me. The fear that I could no longer be with her in her times of need― to hold her tight in my arms and feel her warmth seep through to my skin that tingles like a feverish burn, to make jokes and hear her syrupy laughter echo in my ears and leave me wanting to hear more, to intertwine my fingers with hers and just feel like there's nothing wrong with the world― it tears me apart. Hurt and anguish began to swallow me whole as her sobs turn into cries of emotional pain and being the cause of it was extremely excruciating. I am the source of her cries and yet, I cannot do anything for her. And the only one who could possibly help her in her despair is the one who entered the room to console her; the man who now sees her as the apple in his eyes―the girl I loved for what seemed like an eternity― slowly and affectionately wrap his long and strong arms around her now slender and small back as she bawls her grief away. .
I cannot keep my eyes focused now. The view is becoming blurry. I can feel the hot tears penetrate through the defenses in my emotional barrier crumble away and tumble in a shower. I wanted to close my eyes to block them out of my vision, but I could not. Even if I wanted to, my eyes simply refused to close themselves. My tears continued their grievous journey towards the aching pain in my chest and the giant lump in my throat that's leaving my mouth completely dry. I can could feel my feelings go rampant as they start to mix with my memories of just us two. From the time I had rescued her and held her small and trembling frame against mine, to the day she gave me a gift as a sign of her thanks, the nights we spent eating out together, laughing, messing around and the days that go beyond that, every single one of them felt like a bitter taste of melancholy and jealousy.
