Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Cinderella and her stepsisters; what do all of these famous duos (or trios) have in common? The common tie between the preceding examples is sibling rivalry, a dilemma dating back to biblical times. Many experts, families, and outside observers have pondered the causes and solutions to sibling rivalry, and all have eventually ended up at the same conclusion. Parents both directly and indirectly are the cause of the problem, and also play a key role in the solution.
Sandra Bockman, Psychology M.A. and teacher at St. Edward Central Catholic High School states, "Parents are not the only source of sibling rivalry, but they are the main source." Typically, parents do not intentionally cause competition between siblings, but the animosity is largely an unconscious occurrence says Bruno Bettelheim (Behrens and Rosen, 567). Siblings compete for parental affections, says Bettelheim. .
Sigmund Freud, a leading psychologist in the area of the unconscious suggests that sibling rivalry is due, in part, to the Oedipal Complex. The Oedipal Complex, coined by Freud is the theory that children have an unconscious urge to have the most intimate of relationships with the parent of the same sex, and destroy anyone or anything his/her way (i.e. the other parent, siblings). These feelings arouse intense jealousy and competitiveness in a young child. More often than not, the child outgrows the Oedipal Complex, but the enmity that ensues the complex can cause permanent discord among siblings.
Some more modern psychologists have different theories of the causes of sibling rivalry, and propose that parents are more directly involved in the conflict. Failure to note birth order is one such theory. "Parents must be aware of birth order and realize different children have different needs," says Bockman. The oldest child tends to be more independent, the youngest child, more needy, and the middle child may feel forgotten, or left out.
