I chose to read the book "Prozac Nation", by Elizabeth Wurtzel, mainly because I'd been interested in this autobiography since February, when it was recommended to me by a friend. Having already read similar memoirs, such as "Wasted", by Marya Hornbacher, I had an idea of what "Prozac Nation" would be about. The prologue of "Prozac Nation" begins with Elizabeth Wurtzel at a college party, snorting lines of cocaine and searching for any type of drug she can take to help her get away from herself, in order to enjoy the party. The rest of book then goes on to map out the course she took to land herself at this point in her life. In the epilogue, Elizabeth becomes the first person in the United States to be put on Prozac, an anti-depressant medication.
In the following excerpt, taken from the prologue of "Prozac Nation", Wurtzel is describing her take on depression, at an early time in her life, around the age of 12. By this time, she has already resorted to cutting her legs with a razor blade, and overdosing on pills, both in an attempt to draw the attention to herself that she so desperately needs, but is too separated from her surroundings to realize that this is also what she wants.
"I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong. Like all the drugs put together - the lithium, the Prozac, the desipramine, and the Desyrel that I take to sleep at night - can no longer combat whatever it is that was wrong with me in the first place. I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out. But that was long ago.
I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an on going battle, and I wonder if it isn't the one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.
I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through.