Pass Or Fail
In the movie A Bronx Tale, which is set in the 1960s, wizened mob boss Sonny instructs his protégé on how to test a woman’s qualities: "When you go to your car together, unlock her door first to let her in," says Sonny. "When you walk around back, look through the rear window; If you see her leaning across to unlock your door for you...now that’s a good woman." While the invention of power locks has rendered that "test" obsolete, me, and a couple of the boyz have developed our own various systems of check-fors when screening a woman. (Ladies, take note: I believe the tests I’ve listed here to be gender-neutral.) Question: But why would you "test" a potential partner? What are you, sick? They’re not exactly "tests" you shadily maneuver them into. Most of these are simple character-gauging exercises, gained by observing your partner’s (or candidate-to-be) behavior during various acts of their normal mundane life. As for "why," here’s the reason. Being one-half of a couple in your youth is easy; since your domain includes school and “homework”, very little is demanded of you socially. But somewhere between 17 and 25, dating takes an evolutionary step, involving dorm rooms, parties, and hosting (of
If it’s her first time meeting your friends, it’s natural she’d be a little nervous, so you’ll have to do this several times before you can really get a good gauge. Also don’t get too smug, because if she’s got any brains you’ll eventually go from grading this test to taking it. Seeing how a person behaves while sick is a good indicator of character. When ailing, people revert to a more basic version of their personalities, unencumbered by the niceties of social convention. Some become childlike and are unable to do things for themselves. Others, feeling miserable, feel they need to spread that misery on to whomever is close to them. Still others will vomit on you. I’ll never understand why nurses wear white. You might think all these little tests are a stupid or needlessly calculating way to evaluate a person. There is, of course, an alternative: Marry them. If after the first 30 years they don’t cheat on you, screw up your kids, accidentally poison you, or bring you to financial ruin, then you’ve had the last laugh.
Some topics in this essay:
Bronx Tale,
Sharing Test,
Sex It’s,
Test You’re,
Skills Dating,
Mostest Whenever,
Test Seeing,
Talk Pronounce,
Love Proctor,
Handshake Test,
unlock door,
potential partner,
oral skills,
test you’re,
you’re looking,
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Approximate Word count = 1306
Approximate Pages = 5 (250 words per page double spaced)
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