Harway (1998) concurs that it is the repetitive nature of the build up, the trauma during the battering, and the reconciliation that follows that helps bond the battered woman to her batterer, traumatically, and causes her to remain in the relationship. Furthermore, Harway (1998) explains that the period immediately following the battering is experienced by the woman as one of extreme aversive arousal, together with feelings of self-blame, depression, and helplessness. These feelings leave the battered woman vulnerable and dependent for some period of time after the incident. During the loving phase, the batterer's calmness, sensitivity, and behavior serve to relieve the woman's fears, temporarily. This allows her to believe that she is in control and encourages her hopes of change, believing that the violence will not recur. By behaving as the ideal loving husband during this phase, he reduces the aversive arousal he has created and reinforces the likelihood that she will stay in the relationship (Harway, 1998). Family Systems Theorists hypothesize that the violence that ensues between a couple is a contribution of both partners and is seen as a result from their need to maintain a pattern of equilibrium, (functional or dysfunctional) in the system. Men and woman in violent relationships are said by family systems therapists to be experiencing difficulties in separating from their families of origins and are using violence to regulate the closeness/distance theme in the relationship (Hanson, 1993). This theory, however, is criticized by many researchers due to the theory's implication of blame, especially on the woman. There are a number of theories that attempt to explain domestic violence. Regardless of which theory one may prescribe to, one cannot overlook the common link that underlies many of the theories. This common link is the power and control mechanism that exists in a domestic violence situation and is the basis of still another theory.