Awakening in "Sidhartha"

Siddhartha wants to kill his own ego. Even though through physical pain Siddhartha still cannot achieve Nirvana; with Samanas he is tangled in Samsara cycle. As with Brahmins, Siddhartha knows of no Samana who has actually attained Nirvana. He summarizes that he cannot really learn anything from teachers or the doctrines they espouse -"(.) nobody finds salvation through teaching". These words represent Buddhism idea that people cannot be taught to attain Nirvana that no one can make you awake. Each has to find own path in life, experience most of it to be able to find the unity with world. Later on when Siddhartha has conversation with Gotama, the Buddha says him that his teaching's goal "is not to explain the world who are thirsty for knowledge ( ) Its goal is salvation from suffering."(pg 27). .
             The fact that appearance of Buddha imprints in his memory is kind of prove of his unintentional proceeding in the direction of his philosophy. He knows that he just met the instructor who achieved Nirvana by conquering his Self. The young man makes decision to do the same, saying "I also will conquer my Self" (pg 31). However, he is not yet ready to accept the Buddha teachings. As paradox, he does what Buddhism expects from us- he chooses his own way, because in this philosophy, there is not only one way to find union.
             At closing of the chapter of his youth and the same the world of thoughts Siddhartha realizes that he has not been able to find himself because he has been afraid to really look for himself. Being so busy in seeking the Atman he has lost himself, his ego. Now he decides to be freed from devotion to Atman. What he focuses now on is pure Siddhartha. This commitment of " himself" is radical shift, one which contrast Siddhartha's path from Hindu religion/philosophy. In Hinduism, ego has the destructive "power" in our awakening, because it makes us unable to realize equality between Atman and Brahman.