She explains that there is no lasting shame in being born in America, and that as a minority you are the first in line for scholarships. Most importantly, she notes that "In America, nobody says you have to keep the circumstances somebody else gives you." (p. 289) Living in America, it was easy for Waverly to accept American circumstances, to grow up as any other American citizen. Lindo talks about an important link that will evolve between her and her daughter in which makes it easier, the art of "invisible strength". This strength gives Lindo the power to deal with a changing society and ways around her, but still not give up on her own feelings and aspirations. A quote from Lindo when she was younger, explains the invisible strength she has and will pass onto her daughter," But underneath the scarf I still knew who I was. I made a promise to myself: I would always remember my parents' wishes, but I would never forget myself." As a Chinese mother, though, she also wanted her daughter to learn the importance of Chinese character. She tried to teach her Chinese-American daughter "How to obey parents and listen to your mother's mind. How not to show your own thoughts, to put your feelings behind your face so you can take advantage of hidden opportunities . . . How to know your own worth and polish it, never flashing it around like a cheap ring." (p. 289) The American-born daughters never grasp on to these traits, and as the book shows, they became completely different from their purely Chinese parents. They never gain a sense of real respect for their elders, or for their Chinese background, and in the end are completely different from what their parents planned them to be.
"I think this to myself even though I love my daughter. She and I have shared the same body . But when she was born, she sprang from me like a slippery fish, and has been swimming away ever since. All her life, I have watched her as though from another shore.