Does he blame himself for Sonny's situation, and does he feel if he were there things would be different. This encounter makes Baldwin think and search his inner self for answers. -As Baldwin continues with Sonny's story, he talks how his first letter to Sunny is after the loss of his daughter. As he says in the story "and I didn't write Sonny or send him anything for an extended time. When I finally did it was just after my little girl died, he wrote me back a letter which made me feel like a bastard. " This statement showed he had remorse and regret for not being there, supporting Sonny when his brother needed him the most. Baldwin not only just lost his daughter, but precious time with a brother that needed him after the loss of their parents. Having promised his mother, letting her down, now must face his brother who is in jail for drugs. He states he "felt like a bastard " would indicate sorrow and remorse.
Music is said to be and outlet for emotions, or even a way for a musician to cope and tell his story. While Baldwin was talking to his brother about his desire to become a musician, Sonny explains that it was his outlet to keep from suffering from his heroin addiction, a way to loose himself and not think, hurt or feel anymore. "I wanted to say that it was all within and how life could be- well beautiful, I wanted to say that it was all within; but was it. Or, rather, wasn't that exactly the trouble. And I wanted to promise that I would never fail him again. But it would all have sounded "empty words and lies. So I made the promise to myself and prayed that I would keep it. " (Kennedy and Gioia 77). This thinking of the narrator implies that he was willing to watch out for his brother, be there for him. Baldwin realizes his promises to his mother always to be there and feeling remorse and love for his brother makes himself a promise to love, and be there for his brother even though he did not fully understand or accept his brother's passion for music.
