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Satire: How to be Uber Cool

             It is crucial to find the look that is right for you. Right now there are two looks that are quite popular. The first look is called the "dirty hair/ hobo chic- and the second is the timeless "jock- look. Both require time, effort and maintenance.
             Let's start with the dirty hair/ hobo chic look. This look is for the guy that doesn't care, is a rebel without a cause, or just is messy and doesn't like to bathe. The first step in achieving this look is hair. Utilize your oil glands to their full potent ional to get hair that is somewhat Rastafarian and somewhat bed-head( refer to image 1-1). If you are concerned with sanitation you can purchase hand sanitizer from a store and simply spread it in your hair.
             Now that you have the perfect hair it is time to focus in on clothing. When dressing in this particular style it is very important to buy pants that are at the minimum of three sizes too large. Normally, when you put on pants you fasten them at your waist, but now just put your pants on and place them so they hang bellow your buttocks. Undergarments are optional , but strongly advised. The key to this style is to wear a shirt that looks as though you have slept in it for days and have had it for years . You must always strive for a look that says, " I'm far too cool to care."" When dressing in this style you can never go wrong when you keep this mantra in mind,"" To be un-kept is to be desirable."" Never mind that looking this casual and unmade requires great thought, effort and single-mindedness. That is beside the point.
             The jock look is a timeless favorite. This look is the simplest to attain and it is universal. The hair is clean and minimal. The clothes are masculine and show that you dominate. But, to pull of this look you must be extremely muscular and reek of testosterone. If you are underdeveloped in the muscle department you can purchase muscle enhancers and buy shirts that are padded to give you that super, virile look.

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