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Girl Poem


            Growing up my mother always used to joke about me being a peacemaker.
             Arguments, tears, violence, chaos, accusations- I was peaceful. I didn't understand. .
             But I humbly admit, I never had the courage to be a person who could dedicate myself to peace only.
             Fear, confusion, ignorance, youth - I was selfish. I wanted it all to stop.
             I knew not what peace meant till I knew age. Then I realized my fear, feeling peace was admitting defeat to the cruelties and injustices of life.
             .
             I survived many pains in my childhood, I knew sorrow as a friend.
             Widowed mother, abusive boyfriend, resentful sister - I was depressed. I was as angry as them.
             I never had many friends, but my enemies were few.
             Misunderstood, loyal, betrayed, defeated. - I was lonely. I wanted acceptance.
             I simply valued the small things in life, they were dependable.
             Childish giggles, off-key singing, family dinner, uninhibited. - I was free. I was young.
             Through my sorrow I grew to understand myself, It was a harsh lesson, to watch your life like a performance and never want to be a player.
             .
             I valued my friends and family for all they were. Realizing that to love a person is to be complete.
             Beauty, flaws, perfection, faults, - I was loved. I am blessed.
             I remember a kiss, not my first, it was much to bitter. Nor my last, it was far too routine.
             Humiliation, rumors, blackmail, jealousy.- I wanted love. I was desperate.
             I knew a great love. He came much too late, it was what I knew love to be.
             Comfort, humility, dedication, passion.- I was happy. I was miserable without him.
             It was then that I realized I had lost myself in love. I hated it, I finally understood why peace was so hard to maintain, too many factors needing control.
             .
             I eventually realized that life is not about accomplishments or relationships. But what you take from both. .
             Pride, memories, confidence, knowledge.


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