We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but actually it is a whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Jealousy can manifest as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, and feeling excluded. Men are more likely to deny feeling jealous; women more readily admit it. It often helps to identify what is the exact mix of feelings you experience when you feel jealous.
Sigmund Freud once mentioned that for a woman to be truly loved there has to be at least some doubt as to her chastity. There should even be doubt as to her faithfulness. To not feel entirely sure of possessing a woman is what keeps desire alive. .
The 1950's advocated "family togetherness." In the late 1960's and 1970's there was an "open marriage" movement (O'Neill & O'Neill, 1973); we were told that jealousy was a sign of inconsiderate possessiveness and immaturity, that we were selfishly restricting our partner's love for everyone. Certainly many people tried gallantly to suppress jealous feelings while being open and modern swingers, but many failed. At the same time, there were arguments that jealousy was a natural, inevitable, and useful reaction (Mace, 1958; Harrison, 1974). Surely, a couple deciding on exclusiveness in their love and sexual life is not always a master-slave relationship, not necessarily one-sided possessiveness. .
We tend to think of jealousy in entirely negative terms. We see it as an expression of lack of self-confidence, of character weakness, as something that causes considerable emotional pain. Jealousy breeds suspicion, ruins personal lives in Shakespearean tragedy. Jealousy is poison. All of this is true. All of this is false. .
