" She goes on to list possible reactions like "loss of appetite; upset stomach - may spit up more; more fretful or anxious." She says that "parents should keep their normal routines," and "stay calm in front of the child." Toddlers "understand that a parent has moved away, but doesn't understand why." I know that my son was very confused. He was only two when my wife and I separated. He seemed to display allot of anger and insecurity. DeBorg says that a toddlers reactions could include "more crying, clinging; problems sleeping; regression to infant behaviors; and worry when parent is out of sight." My son, his name is Cody, definitely fits this profile. He cried constantly. It seemed that nothing would calm him down. If you got him to go to sleep, good luck keeping him there. As far as infant behaviors go, his biggest problems were wanting to be rocked like when he was younger and trying to go back to the bottle. DeBorg say to "allow some return to infantile behaviors, but set clear limits." Easier said than done I can assure you. Preschoolers "don't understand what separation or divorce means," they "realize one parent is not as active in his or her life" (DeBorg, 1997). Their reactions could include "pleasant and unpleasant fantasies; feeling uncertain about the future; feeling responsible; and they may hold their anger inside." Deborg's first strategy listed for parents is to "encourage the child to talk." This makes sense if you are concerned with straitening out these issues of anger and feeling responsible. It seems to be the only way to really understand your child's problems. Gardner (1977, p. 42) talks of something called the "oedipal phase." He explains that this occurs between ages three and five. "This is the period. when a child develops a strong possessive attachment to the opposite-sexed parent." Gardner says that "at times the attraction can take on mildly sexual overtones toward the opposite-sexed parent.
