Tannen put it like this for men and women " we judge whether or not we think others are listening by signals we can see - not only their verbal responses but also their eye contact and little listening noises like "mhm," "uh-huh," and "yeah." These listening noises give the go-ahead for talk. If they are misplaced along the track, they can quickly derail a chugging conversation."(Tannen 137) The listening noises are what often cause the problem. Women use them very often when playing the listening role in the conversation to let the talker know that they are interested and listening intently. Men on the other hand use the noises sparingly to allow the woman to speak and show that they are listening. For most men, they can think back to a phone conversation with their wife, girlfriend, or mother and as she was talking they would say, "Hey, are you listening to me!" They say such things because they aren't hearing any listening signals and assume that the man is not listening to them. The same can be applied to a face to face conversation, only with eye contact. When a woman speaks to a man, they want their full attention and interest. Sometimes a man could be intently listening to the woman but they may tend to stare at other things and think about what the woman is saying. Even though the man may be giving his full attention, the metamessage to the woman is that he is not interested in what she has to say. Women can also pick up metamessages from other small details in a conversation, like the use of pronouns.
Women tend to pick up metamessages through a man's use of pronouns, and that use can either leave her feeling loved or left out. To some men this may sound a bit ridiculous, but being careless with the use of pronouns can leave a woman secluded and alone. For example, a man could simply feel like taking a walk, be on his way out the door, and say to his wife, "I am going for a walk.