Procrastination; I am the thief of productiveness and time. I sound simple, but in fact quite complex. I am a strange phenomenon. My purpose seems to make my life more pleasant, but instead it almost always adds stress, disorganization, and frequently failure. I want to achieve some outcome, usually something myself and others value and respect; "I've got to start." I delay briefly thinking of real and imagined advantages of starting to change later; "I will do it tomorrow when I don't have much to do." .
I delay more, becoming self-critical; "I should have started sooner." I hide or pretend to be busy; I even lie about having other obligations. I delay still more, until I must submit myself, usually hastily; "I can't do this." I berate myself; "there is something wrong with me," and swear never to adjourn. I repeat the process almost immediately on other important task, as if it were an addiction or compulsion.
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I involve emotions, skills, thoughts or attitudes, and factors I am unaware of. I affect every one to some degree or another. I am remotely related to time, I know exactly what I should be doing, even if I can't do it. I am often remarkably optimistic about my ability to complete a task on a tight deadline; this is usually accompanied by expressions of re-assurance that every thing is under control. (Therefore there is no reason to start).
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At some point I cross over to an imaginary starting time and suddenly realizes, "Oh no! I am not in control! There isn't enough time!" At this point considerable efforts are directed towards completing the task, and work progresses. Actually at this point I am making progress only because I haven't any choice. My back is against the wall and there are no alternatives. Progress is being made, but I have lost my freedom.
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Hopefully, understanding how and why I delay will help me change it. I may even learn more about what is commonly called "will power.