We want them to think before they act, to understand what they want and why they want it, followed by rational contemplation of whether acting on this desire is appropriate. And all before they engage in any kind of behavior. Why is this a challenging event for child and parent?.
For starters, the core of self-control is mind control. Letting your mind control your decisions, rather than your feelings or thoughts, can challenge even the strongest individual. But this is the beginning of learning how to control your own behaviors and eliminating the influence that other people can have on your life. If we as adults fail to make the distinction between our feelings and our behaviors, we will fail to instill this ability in our children.
Being aware of our own feelings is more difficult than it first might appear. How many times can you remember being asked what you were thinking and responding "nothing"? Yet, not only were you thinking of something, but it was something that engrossed your entire being for a brief moment. Still, you were not conscious of it at the time. Or how many times have you paid more attention to trying to figure out what someone else was feeling prior to determining how you felt yourself? Too often we attempt to control the events that surround us by aiming to figure out other people first and then adjusting our responses to try and please them or control the situation into going our way.
When we learn self-control, we learn to be self-disciplined and can pass this discipline on to our children. The most effective part of self-discipline is being able to be a good listener. Listening is an essential part of parent-child negotiation. It allows your child to share what they think, what they feel, their stories, and their confusions. Being heard affirms to your child that they are important, and that any negotiation the two of you engage in will consider their best interests.
