I come off as a cocky narcissistic jerk. I've been told many times that people thought I was a jerk until they actually started talking to me and got to know me. I know it's because I'm loud and laugh at my own lame jokes. I know that I try so hard to be the center of attention and until someone knows that that is just part of who I am, they think it's annoying. Well maybe even my friends think it's annoying. No one knows that I just need attention. I don't care if it's positive or negative attention, I won't feel validated or valued as a person until I get it. I don't know exactly why this is. .
Most of my best friends are all people who, before I met them, I thought were not the type of person I would enjoy to be around. I thought they were stuck up, or not easygoing or that their personality clashes with my own. I can name off at least five of my closest friends who came off to me as cocky, annoying, mean, or boring. This really proves that you can not judge a book by its cover. .
I am a racist. It has been ingrained in me since an early age. It's not my fault, but the fault of my teachers and parents and other adults in my life. They all talk about not being racist. Don't think about race. Everyone is the same. Naturally when someone tells me not to do something, I do it. I see race before I see anything else. When I see a black person the first thing I think is "they're black". It is not until I actually talk to and get to know a person of a different race that my prejudice view of only their ethnicity fades into my thoughts on who they are as a person. The first day of Freshman Honors Global Geography as I walked through the door to Mrs. Youngblood's room, I expected my new teacher to be an old white lady with gray hair and a wrinkled body. When I saw my new teacher, the first thought that entered my mind was that she is black. Four years later, she is one of my favorite teachers and I view her as a great person, with her race being one of the last things I see about her.