Attorneys, judges, and the courts complete the legal process. But things can become very complicated. The legal divorce brings with it the resolution of many specific issues: child custody and visitation, economic support, property division, rights to retirement plans, etc. The judicial system is based upon an adversary relationship. That is to say, there is a plaintiff who claims to have been wronged, and a defendant who is accused of perpetrating the wrong. Even in states with no-fault divorce laws, it is unusual for the two sides to approach resolution of legal issues in a non-adversarial way. It is easy to escalate emotions and pain in the adversarial environment. Pastors can help by recommending attorneys whose orientation is to minimize an inflammatory adversarial approach, such as in divorce mediation. Such attorneys may be found in your own church, through the recommendation of other clergy in your community, or through a local Christian counselor. Suggest that the couple put off the legal process until they have determined that there is no hope of reconciliation. If they are responsive to the idea of reconciliation, refer them immediately to a local Christian marriage counselor. The economic divorce. Two households cannot be maintained as economically as one. Financially, things will be tighter than before the divorce. Experience indicates that it is the woman who suffers more in terms of the economic divorce. Alimony is less frequently given today than in the past. Even if the wife receives some alimony, it will often be for a limited time. It is quite common for the custodial parent to receive child support, but collecting it is not easy. Worries and fears might be significant but hidden behind a facade of "everything's just fine." Here is where the church can be a wonderful support with such things as short-term or periodic financial help, baby-sitting, recommendations for employment, food, and tuition assistance.
