As I think about college and my future, I look back with regret on choices I've made. It has been a very difficult 3 years for my family. My parents have a rocky relationship and it all seemed to be coming to a head. They began to discuss separating and breaking up our family. My grandmother, whom I"m close to, got very sick. It became a blessing in disguise. My mom and dad chose to stay together to lend support and strength to all of us. My grandmother got well, after quite an ordeal. She actually beat lung cancer. Following that difficult situation, my parents opted to begin counseling and have chosen reconciliation for our family.
I realize I only hurt myself by taking on this "I don't care" attitude. There was a lot of bickering constantly in our household. I often closed myself in my room with loud music to escape the dysfunction of it all. I have 2 sisters, one younger and one older. We each chose our own unique way to deal with our pain. They were angry and sad for my parents. They each verbally expressed these feelings. I was angry and would not admit, even to myself the feelings of sadness. My way to get back at my parents was to rebel against all the things that have been important in our household. School, became my number 1 rebellion. I didn't care and showed this by skipping school, cutting classes, not completing assignments and refusing to study for tests. School has always been easy for me. I have been recommended for honors classes each year. Of course, my "I don't care" attitude did not lend itself to success in honors classes".
My mom has met with my teachers, set up counseling for me and both of my parents have tried talking to me. They tell me I have a gift - which is my intelligence. I should be an A student. All it would take was attending class, completing required work and studying a little. As much as I hate to admit it, all of this is very true.
