Everyone has problems - situations that cause us distress and frustration. Problems encountered in long-term relations by people who have only been in short-term relationships can seem very overwhelming. Even those who have been in multiple short term relationships think they know the answers to making relationships work. But the issues between a short term relationship and a long term relationship can be very different. For me, one of the most serious of these problems is trust. To be successful in my long-term relationship, I must learn to trust another human being to be as devoted and loyal to me and my children as I would be myself. My general observation is that people unconsciously pick partners with the same number of problems as themselves somewhat equally needy and equally high maintenance. .
When both partners are accustomed to short term or casual relationships, one problem that arises is that the first mental solution I arrive at when a problem occurs is to throw in the towel. In my past relationships, instead of solving a major problem, I chose to end the relationship. In the past, I was married twice. I spent no more than a year with either husband, which both fathered my two children. The first husband I married at my parents request after my daughter was born and did not try to communicate or be happy at all. My second husband, although married for 8 years, I only stayed with for one year. The not-so-nice things that occurred after I said "I do " caused me to keep moving from state to state until I made a decision to be strong and he tired of trying to ruin my life. In my thoughts, I could start over, make a new plan for my life and envision what that life would be like. .
I really feel like I did not begin to take charge of my own happiness and that of my children until I turned at least 40 and stopped being afraid. I did not want my children growing up in the shadow of fighting, nor did I want them to think settling for less than doing our best would be acceptable for our future.