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The Oscars

             This past week, as I've attempted to sedate myself with the usual lineup of reality entertainment " "Elimidate", "Married by America," the war in Iraq, etc. " I found myself bombarded with adverts for special news reports, the subjects of which truly terrified me. "How Will the War in Iraq Affect the Academy Awards?" they postulated. Already there was talk of rolling up the red carpets, shortening the pre-Oscar hullabaloo, no celebrity interviews. "Good lord," I thought, "is this the apocalypse?".
             Gradually, though, I began to feel comfortable with the idea. As I've said, I've been watching a lot of reality shows, especially these specials in which 'embedded reporters' frenetically describe the living conditions of soldiers in war-torn Iraq, and the prospect of this whole war bonanza becoming intermeshed with the Academy Awards started to excite me. I mean, imagine what would happen if characters from "The Real World" had to give speeches about their feelings toward various candidates from "The Bachelorette?" A whole new world of reality entertainment began to blossom in my imagination, in which one network's show could never have a monopoly on their version of reality " instead, reality would become a thing that all of them would have to share, a thing potentially as big as the universe itself.
             My anticipation became perverse " as the day came, I found myself trembling nervously. The pre-Oscar show was indeed, red-carpet-free, but I was too engrossed in the Oscar countdown clock, running down like a bomb timer on my screen, even to notice the inane banter of the celebrities as they were interviewed (i.e., flattered, back-patted, worshipped) by a personalityless robot. After what seemed like a lifetime, the Awards finally began.
             And man, at first, it was a real letdown. I mean, maybe I'm just getting desensitized, but the sweepingly glamorous decor " all red velvet and colorful plastics done up like some space-age symphony hall " it simply didn't dazzle me any more or less than the Bachelor's mansion.

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