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not human

            Ok I know you must think I"m crazy but that will only help prove the point that I"m gonna make to you. Ever since day one I have never quite fit in with any of the people I have met. Well this was all strange to me at first but now that I have looked at the ways you live and compare it to my life I have come up with only one conclusion. I am not human.
             First of all you guys like to eat foods like turkey sandwiches and macaroni and cheese but what I find to be a delicacy is a giant bowl of warmed Elmer's glue, yuck right! Well not to me! Also I like to sleep upside down at night. How many of you sleep like that? Yeah that's what I thought.
             This stuff isn't all though! Once when I was in school and the girl I hated walked into the cafeteria, I imagined her hair blowing up in a puff of smoke and bang laser lights came shooting from my eyes and totally finished off her "perfect" hair. Just to let you know I didn't mean to do it but I also don't regret this happening. I also have the weirdest of the weird dreams at night.
             I have dreamt that I was walking in this strange world and I was looking for my mom. This blue woman walked up to me and hugged me telling me that she and the rest of them have missed me so much. I was a little confused the first time I dreamt it but after dreaming it like ten times now it finally makes since. I don't belong with you strange people.
             So I have decided to try to phone my home and let my real parents know that I"m coming but the yellow pages only cover places around here. I kind of need you help. I need the phone number to Zokada. It is probably down there around Pluto. If this hasn't made you think that I"m not human then what do you suggest I be? Oh yeah there is also my 20 toes but we can get to that next time.

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