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A Free Trip Out of Here

            Don't like the place you are renting and want to live somewhere else besides this wretched hole? Abiding by these three simple steps: not paying rent to the landlord, bringing friends over and partying late, and creating a path of destruction in your wake. Thus, if you follow my advice you will bound to be booted out of your apartment for eternity.
             The first step, irritating your property owner by being as ignorant and inconsiderable as possible. Do the things that you were told never to do. When the landlord comes around at the beginning of every month to collect the rent for the previous month simply ignore him or her and let the bills accumulate and pill up long past due. Annoy your neighbors in every possible way. Take no notice of them as if they did not exist and never show respect to your elders: by slamming doors in their faces and cut in front of them in line. Make sure they all file formal complaints about you to your landlord. .
             The second step, be brave and do the thins you would never do to your own apartment, otherwise. Be wild and have fun at deteriorating and destroying the appearance and interior of the apartment. Block all the toilets and drains with food scraps and garbage, then to make matters worse attempt to flush them down. Be sure to let the live sewage overflow and flood the whole apartment complex. This will be sure to cause thousands of dollars worth of damage, notify the landlord, and have him or her hire a plumber to unplug and fix the blockage. Afterwards, deny that you had anything to do with the incident and blame it all on the builders of the apartment. Refuse to pay the arising costs for labor and parts that were required to fix the drainage system up.
             The third step, show no respect for anyone you encounter in the apartment complex. Invite countless friends over to party from dusk to dawn day after day, leaving beer bottles, cans, wrappers, garbage, and refuse everywhere.

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