My two boys are asleep, and my husband is away. At times like this, I can actually hear myself think. I find myself reflecting on the last four years of my life-- how much it has changed, and how much fuller it has become. I've always known that having children would change my life. I expected to rediscover simple joys and experience the pleasure of watching them grow. I also knew that while raising children can be very rewarding, it is far from being an easy task. However, despite having all of those expectations before giving birth, I was still unprepared for and humbled by the birth of my firstborn son Ian "my own private miracle.
My son Ian is now three years old. He is a truly vibrant creature, and everyone that meets him comments on how "alive- he is. He throws himself wildly into whatever it is he's doing at the moment. The phrase "half-way- does not exist in his vocabulary. Ian is filled with passion, and all that he does is touched by it. He loves fiercely, he plays as if his life depends on it, and when he's hurt, it seems as if his very heart has been shattered. Ian was born to live.
I was 22 years old when I got pregnant with Ian. I will never forget the day I found out. I had gone in to the doctor's office to renew my prescription for birth control pills. I was in a hurry; I had to make it to my college math class in an hour. When the doctor came in to tell me my mandatory pregnancy test had come back positive, I was certain he had grabbed someone else's results There was no way I could be pregnant. First, I had been on the same type of birth control for over 3 years. Second, I had been with my current partner only once, and, third, I was a "safety girl- and we had used additional precautions. My doctor said that we could confirm the results with a simple blood test. I had never been so eager to have someone stick a needle in my arm. The results of the blood test confirmed my fears; I was about to become a single mother.