It's the real one not the person he wants others to see and like. But people trying to be someone they're not makes their lives a system of copy-paste. Why not just act and be real? If a man really loves and accepts his better half no matter who and what she is and what people say, why follow such rules or lessons on how to be a modest lady? Why did Mulan need to console a matchmaker? Mulan thus, represents those who experience the conflict between how they want to be and how they are supposed to be in accordance to society's standards and expectations.
Mulan trying to beg one of the soldiers to leave her father out of volunteering in serving China because he is ill brought up to gender inequality. Women are seen as subordinate to their male counterpart and that men are superior to them. Therefore, their opinions are not taken into consideration as what Chi-Fu says, "Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence." In other words, women are silenced in society. It is true that failures bring a better achievement but a mistake done should not be repeated rather it should be corrected. People can't learn from their mistakes if they can't acknowledge they have made them. If they don't learn from their mistakes, they are also destined to repeat them. That's a recipe for quickly going nowhere in life. Mulan reflects to what have she done. She learned from it thus, she decided to take her father's responsibility in defending China by joining the army. Mulan thinks that this is the only way the society can accept her again and to give honor to her family. Those who believe they can shape life through their own decisions and actions are more confident, more likely to seek learning and be leaders, more disciplined, and better able to deal with stress and challenges as what Mulan did in joining the army. If a child can't endure seeing his parents suffer in pain, so do as Mulan.