The sun rising from the window in the corner, the alarms irritating ring, and the traffic outside. The things that start his day, a day that he does not wish to live through. This is day 0, out of the 16 years of his life. He has yet to be truly happy and he has lost the hope of trying to find happiness. Every night before he falls asleep he has the fear of waking up. This fear consumes him, his life, his everything. He can feel the cruelty around him. He wonders why this has been chosen as his fate, and not the next. He wonders about a lot of things. These feelings he has replayed in his head as if they are all he is made of. His smile is a mask. A mask glued to his face, his mouth is locked. He is determined to live in silence for the fear of his fate being sealed to the meaningless existence that he is forced to relive each day of his life. This boys soul is dead. This boy is me.
I have always been forced to live my life in my own personal hell. I am the cause for the problems of the world. I have always had the feeling of complete sadness hanging out my head. The feeling of a tear falling, but that tear cannot be released because if it is, I will feel better. I prevent myself from being happy at any given second because I fear that I will miss those feelings so incredibly I will sink deeper into the ground of silence and sadness. I have tried everything within my personal will to make my feelings vanish. Happiness is what I strive for. I want to be content with life and everything it has to offer. It offers me nothing, and there is nothing for me to live for. .
There are times when I feel there is nothing here for me. There is nothing that I do, and no one gains from my presence. If I take a step back and I really look around at my surroundings I can see the people who truly love me and depend on my presence. My friends who have always been there for me and supported me, and the family members that do care for me.