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Goodbye And Goodnight

            
             It was not your fault so please don't blame yourself. It was my dad that caused me to do it. This is the only way for me to prove to him that he cared for me. Be brave for me, be strong for my little brother. Please don't cry for me, I will always be with you. I love you, goodbye.".
             Those were Larry's last word to me, left behind in a note. Reasons for why he felt his suicide was justified. The impact he had upon my life was like nothing I ever imagined. His death gave me a reason to live and taught me what was truly important. My best friend's suicide caused me to find my true calling, discover what impact Christ has upon my life, and discover what is most important in life. Though still an open wound and painful to speak about, I will attempt to explain what Larry has done for me. .
             I now understand the saying that "you do not realize how much you love someone until you lose them." Larry taught me this, and taught me what was most important in life. I now spend more time focusing on the little things. The simple tasks are often overlooked such as playing a game with my younger sister or even spending the afternoon at a nursing home listening to the stories of the lonely residents. The little things in life that I would have previously taken for granted now have become valuable to my essence. .
             Another thing that Larry's death helped me to realize is what I want to do with my life. Before his suicide I had no aspirations, no dreams. Now I want to be a psychiatrist so I can help other people, in hope that they will not make the same mistake that he did. My hope is that I find the people in time and make a difference in their lives.
             The final and most profound impact Larry's death has had upon my me is how through his death I have found Christ. In a time where I felt the most alone and vulnerable, the love of God got me through. The love of the Father was the only thing that could possibly ever fill the empty void left behind by Larry's Death.


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